Effective working relationships have a great deal to do with mutual understanding - life is so much easier when we understand what makes our boss or our colleagues tick. If you are in a leadership role, it is easy to underestimate the amount of headspace you occupy on the part of your team members. They seem to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to approach you interpreting what your behaviour might mean - and all of these machinations are based on assumptions.

Some years ago I came across the notion of compiling a personal user manual as a way of making everyone's life  whole lot easier. It is a great self-reflection exercise too, as you think about how to complete each aspect of the manual. Here is what might go into your User Manual:

1. My Style: here you can talk about the kind of person you are; your personality style; your leadership style; how formal or informal you like things.
2. What I Value: you can talk about your values; what you appreciate in others; your views on the work/life balance question.
3. What I Don't Have Patience For: these might be things that irritate or annoy you; it could be about behaviour you regard as childish; taboos that apply in your life.
4. How to Communicate with Me: What do you like people to lead with; do you want detail or just the headlines; do you want a heads-up before a discussion; do you like conversation or do you prefer to read something; do you want background or should people get to the point. It may also include your approach to decision-making: what do you expect from your team members; when do you want to be involved; how you make decisions yourself. If you are aware of not being a great listener, you can also tell team members how to bring to your attention that you need to LISTEN.
5. How You Can Help Me: this might include what team members can do to make your life easier; your own weaknesses and how team members can complement you on these; what team members can do to make their own lives easier in terms of working with you.
6. What People Misunderstand About Me: these are the quirks and foibles that people think mean one thing but actually mean another.

You can mess around with these headings and come up with something that is more you - they offer you a starting point.

It can be a really fun exercise to encourage your team members to prepare their own User Manuals, and then for the team to have a series of conversations that makes each of you a whole lot more knowable. You could use a process like this:

1. Tell your team that you want to have a session where you can each get to know and understand one another better, and agree on a date and time. This will take a couple of hours, so maybe arrange an afternoon where you can all be relaxed and take your time.
2. Share the template (see below) with them and discuss what might go under each heading. Modify the headings if it seems appropriate to do so.
3. As the team leader, you go first. You could present your user manual as a document or as a video, or you could simply speak to each heading and then share your document afterwards.
4. Invite team members to ask any questions that may not have been addressed in your user manual. Answer them and then perhaps add some FAQs to your user manual, which you can then share.
5. Give each team member the opportunity to present their own user manuals, and answer any questions including questions from you.
6. End with each person having the opportunity to offer their personal reflection on any important insights they have gained and the benefits of the conversation. (I'm a big fan of end-of-meeting reflections.)

I facilitated such a discussion with a team that really wasn't clicking - and the misconceptions and inaccurate assumptions that were set straight was unbelievable. It is a great way to start off your time with a new team. It is also a great way to integrate new team members. It is also a useful tool to use when you are some way along your journey with your team and, perhaps you have a sense that you do not understand each other as well as you need to.
Have fun with it. Laugh at yourself and invite others to do so too. Notice when your colleagues deal with you in the way you have outlined. Be aware of doing the same for them. A couple of weeks later, have another reflection with your team - what is working, what has improved, what still needs to change?
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​Here is a template that you are welcome to use.

I've called this a myth because if you think you can get away with this you are in for a nasty surprise. If this is you, I am pretty sure you are experiencing immense frustration with some or all of the following:

1. The performance of the team (or individuals in the team) is inconsistent and not where you would like it to be.
2. People are not making decisions and not solving problems effectively;
3. People are pulling in opposite directions, not supporting one another or even getting in each other’s way;
4. There is gossip, dissatisfaction and grumbling;
5. People are disengaged and appear uncommitted.

 
We simply cannot get work done effectively through our teams if we never meet with them. I wonder if we never meet with them because our meetings have seemed so pointless in the past. Meetings must be purposeful and effective if they are to have the desired effect. The purpose of regular meetings includes the following:

1. To set direction and ensure the team is clear on what it is trying to achieve – in other words to discuss and reach agreement on where we are going and how we are going to get there.
2. To review progress – to reflect on what we are trying to achieve and what we are actually achieving;
3. To learn – what are we doing well; what are we not doing so well; what can we learn from this;
4. To correct course – what do we need to do differently or pay attention to going forward;
5. To collaborate in finding solutions to problems affecting the team and making decisions that require the engagement and commitment of the team.

 
So how can you make sure your meetings are effective? Here are some ideas:

1. Have a clear agenda with items phrased as questions to be answered or decisions to be made (e.g. How is our actual performance tracking against our targets?) Invite input from the team for the agenda. Assign a specific amount of time to each agenda item. Circulate the agenda with any documents team members must read in preparation for the meeting.
2. Have a clear starting and finishing time. Start on time. End on time. Manage the amount of time spent on each agenda item. If you don’t finish your agenda by the end of the allotted time, schedule another meeting. Do not run over time. It is inconsideration. Team members have other commitments and plans for their time.
3. Get the team to agree on some meeting ground rules, such as:
   • Stay on track. If we go off track we all share the responsibility to bring things back on track – even if the boss is the one who has taken it off track.
   • Everybody must speak once before anyone may speak twice. (It is a good idea to go around the table from person to person giving each person an opportunity and a responsibility to give input on the agenda item. This ensures that everyone contributes and makes sure your meetings don’t turn into a talking competition. This will make the discussions shorter as well.)
   • Don’t indulge stories – once we get the picture move on.
   • Keep your contributions relevant to the agenda item.
   • Agree on what you will do with topics that need discussion even though they are not on the agenda. Will you set another meeting or have time for “Other business”?
4. Make sure the agenda item is dealt with – the question must be answered or the decision made. Ask the questions:
   1. Who will do what?
   2. How?
   3. By when?
   4. What could get in the way?
   5. What will you do about that?
   6. How and when will we get feedback on progress/completion?
5. Make it possible and necessary for everyone to participate. If they have no contribution to make, why are they there?
6. Make sure the team finds the meeting effective. End meetings by asking the team:
   1. What did we do well in this meeting?
   2. What did we not do well in this meeting?
   3. What must we do differently next time?

If this is a challenge you experience and would like to consider working with me as your coach, email me: [email protected]. We will set up a time to talk about your challenges. If the chemistry works, we can get started within a week!